Tag Archives: Squirrels

What Is On My Mind Today? Enjoying this beautiful Minnesota Day and a Good Laugh!

 

squirrel

Squirrels vs. The Church

The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrels. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn’t interfere with God’s divine will.

At the Baptist church the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistery.. The deacons met and decided to put a water slide on the baptistery and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.

The Methodist church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist Church. Two weeks later the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water slide.

But the Catholic Church came up with a very creative strategy. They baptized all the squirrels and consecrated them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.

Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue; they took the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven’t seen a squirrel since.

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Thor’s Stories: Leprechauns

There are eight different stories in this series about the ingenuity and adventures of a boy named Thor.  If you are looking for a few tales about Leprechauns to share on St. Patrick’s day,   Leprechauns tend to run amok in five of these stories.

Below are links to all of Thor’s adventures and a brief description of the story line.
I hope you and your children enjoy Thor’s Stories.

Morton the Squirrel and the Great Chicken Race.  Thor and Morton begin their battle for supremacy of the backyard when the rascally squirrel goes after the boy’s chickens.

Morton the Squirrel and the Mighty Explosion.  Grandpa Walter saves Thor from an overwhelming squirrel attack.

Thor and Grandpa Walter Find Blueberries and Bigfoot.  Thor and Grandpa Walter find more than just blueberries in the woods on Minnesota’s North Shore.

Thor and the Rooster Pirate King. This story tells about how leprechauns came to own the magic feather they keep in their hats.

The Midnight Dinosaur Rhubarb Rampage. Do your children know how to write in secret leprechaun code?  Thor will show you how in this tale of ingenuity and backyard mayhem.

The Dog with Magical Eyes.  Leprechauns sometimes can be just plain handy, especially when your dog is suffering from magical eyes.

Thor and the Troll Toll.  The King of the Leprechauns has no tolerance for bullies, especially troll ones.

Thor Saves Christmas.  Thor and the leprechauns come to the rescue when Santa’s elves all come down with Blue Snot Flu, 

Thor’s Stories: Thor and the Troll Toll

This is the next story in the saga of young Thor that I wrote two summers ago for my Grandson while I was in the midst of my cancer battle and awaiting remission and a stem cell transplant

In this story Thor learns about the power of love when he has to save his precious hens from a terrible old troll who oozes orange slime.

I have also included the recipe to make Metamucil’s slimy orange flubber.

I hope you enjoy Thor and the Troll Toll!

The Swedish Farmer's Daughter

troll 3.jpeg

It all began with a splat against his bedroom window pane. The splat was Morton the Squirrel, Thor’s arch enemy. The squirrel was stuck to the window with gooey orange slime. Orange-slimed squirrels in the backyard known as “the jungle” could only mean one thing a garden troll was loose and oozing.

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Thor quickly ran to the window to take stock of the situation. What greeted his eyes was the face of Ned the one-horned troll drooling and dripping with orange spittle. This troll had eyes as black as midnight, a long nose and chin with hair growing out of his ears.  His ears deserve a special mention due to the fact that the big hairy things hung so low that they rested on his shoulders. The troll used to have two curly horns, but one was broken right off and so now he only had a lefty.

Normally, the leprechauns took care of Ned. They…

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Thor’s Stories: Morton the Squirrel and the Great Chicken Race.

I was looking back over my blog today, and stopped to read the first story I wrote for my grandson about Thor the adventurous boy. I wrote these stories two years ago when I was very sick and crippled during my fight with Multiple Myeloma cancer. I could only sit up for less than a half hour at a time due to the pain from the fractures in my spine. After reading the blog it is clear to me that I will need to edit the rest of the stories as there are some rough spots, but when I think of how I wrote them that summer so that my grandson would have something to remember me by, should I die from either the cancer or the stem cell transplant…I guess some typos aren’t the worst thing in life. I plan to edit all of them and reblog them when finished. I hope you enjoy, “Morton the Squirrel.”

The Swedish Farmer's Daughter

Was684554 Morton the Squirrel

Author’s note:
This series of children’s stories are about an eight-year-old boy named Thor.  Thor’s backyard is his jungle and contains a  tree fort, a large dense undergrowth of plants the humans call a garden, two ferocious cats, a dog with magical eyes who thinks he’s an attack wolf, and six chickens…two with bad attitudes.  Each day Thor enters this primeval wild world and with ordinary household products and quick thinking saves his pets and family from their jungle adversaries. 

Morton the Squirrel and the Great Chicken Race

It was a warm Tuesday afternoon, when Thor becomes distracted from his Minecraft video game by a loud noise his backyard. Tossing down his controller, he raced to the bathroom window for a good look into his backyard…known as the jungle. He carefully scans heavy underbrush and trees with his trusty binoculars. He first checks out the tree fort…it passes inspection. Then, he checks on Rex his dog…

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Thor’s Stories: Morton the Squirrel and the Great Chicken Race.

Was684554
Morton the Squirrel

Author’s note:
This series of children’s stories are about an eight-year-old boy named Thor.  Thor’s backyard is his jungle and contains a  tree fort, a large dense undergrowth of plants the humans call a garden, two ferocious cats, a dog with magical eyes who thinks he’s an attack wolf, and six chickens…two with bad attitudes.  Each day Thor enters this primeval wild world and with ordinary household products and quick thinking saves his pets and family from their jungle adversaries. 

Morton the Squirrel and the Great Chicken Race

It was a warm Tuesday afternoon, when Thor becomes distracted from his Minecraft video game by a loud noise his backyard. Tossing down his controller, he raced to the bathroom window for a good look into his backyard…known as the jungle. He carefully scans heavy underbrush and trees with his trusty binoculars. He first checks out the tree fort…it passes inspection. Then, he checks on Rex his dog, he’s lying in a muddy hole by his dog house licking his butt…he passes inspection….he looks at the garden and what’s this? The colossal rhubarb leaves, that the midnight dinosaurs like to feast on for snacks, are wiggling suspiciously. Then, he sees it…that flash of fuzzy grey…Morton the squirrel, Thor’s arch enemy was on the hunt for mischief.

Thor immediately swung into action to defend his jungle yard. He quickly runs to his room, looking for his armor and weapons. First he puts on his eye protection…to defend against squirrel spit. That’s right Morton is a spitter. Next, he finds his laser sword and power squirt gun.  Then, he suits up for squirrel fighting action. He pulls on his knee high rubber boots and stuffs pairs of his dirty smelly underwear into the tops of the boots to repel a squirrel boot invasion. He wasn’t having that happen twice. Dressed for taking on the challenge of Morton, Thor heads outside into….the jungle.

His first obstacle is to open the great great gate to the wall that surrounds the jungle. This wooden barrier reaches to the sky and was built to protect the yard from hordes of invaders of all types…especially girls.

As he slowly opens the gate, he peers around the edge to see if Morton was still in the rhubarb patch. Nope, there was no sign of him there. Thor slowly starts making his way to his tree fort, holding his squirt gun at the ready, looking to the left, then….to the right….then back to the left. Carefully keeping his eyes open for that mischievous spitting squirrel.

Just as he gets halfway to the fort, Rex lets out a howl. Thor spins around and fires his squirt gun. His aim was off and the water goes right into Rex’s mouth, but that didn’t help dislodge the squirrel resting on top of Rex’s head. Morton quickly leaps to his feet on Rex’s head and starts doing the squirrel victory dance of jumping up and down, and swirling while wiggling his butt at Thor. A pitiful sight to be sure.

Thor narrowed his eyes in determination as he quietly pumped up the pressure in his squirt gun to get a long shot and then fired again. This time the powerful water stream knocked Morton off of Rex’s back. Unfazed, that crazy squirrel began running right toward Thor’s rubber boots. Morton must have smelled the stinky dirty underwear in the boots prevention measures for he veered off and ran right into the chicken coop and slammed the door shut.

Oh the racket in the coop!!! There rose a loud chorus of chicken squawking, rooster crowing and squirrel squeaking. Thor ran as fast as he could to save the chickens. He flung open the door and what did he see? Morton laughing joyfully as he rode chickens around and around the coop like a cowboy on a bucking horse.

As boy of action, Thor dove into the coop to grab that squirrel off of his chickens. The door to the coop swung open and out raced the chickens across the yard. Oh, but was that a scene! The chickens running like scared deer with a squirrel jumping from chicken to chicken as he rode them around the yard with Thor in hot pursuit spraying them all with water trying to knock Morton off of the chicken’s backs.

During all of this commotion Rex just sat in front of his dog house watching the show. Eventually he was joined by Boots and Suzy,  Thor’s cats, who also decided spectating was the better part of valor.

Just when it began to appear that the chickens were tiring and Thor would be able to grab Morton, that silly cat Boots decided that chicken racing looked fun and the next time the chickens ran by–she and Suzy both jumped on a chicken and started racing against Morton. Thor for a moment had to stop and just watch the beauty of those cats riding the chickens….they really were gifted.  That’s when Rex started to howl.

Thor snapped back into action and realized that he had to use another weapon if he was ever going to stop the chicken race. What he needed was a magic potion that was so strong that no chicken could ever ignore it. Yes, Thor, thought he must use the ultimate chicken control potion to get them to stop running and follow him back into the chicken coop. He needed….angle worms!!!

He quickly went into the underbrush of dense plant growth the humans call a garden and dug out some worms with the tip of his laser sword. He raised the worm covered sword high above his head stopping the chicken’s in their tracks. The chickens’ sudden stop caused Morton and the cats to fly straight over the chicken’s heads and get covered in mud as they slid right though Rex’s trusty mud hole and went sailing right into the dog house.

Before Morton knew where he even was, Rex stepped his tail to hold him still until Thor came back from getting the chickens into the coop. The chickens in a magic worm trance meekly followed Thor back in to the coop as the cats began to take a bath in Rex’s water dish.  Darn cats!

Thor tucked the chickens safely back into their beds and kissed them good night, then, ran outside to deal with Morton. As Rex guarded the prisoner, Thor got the hose and filled the bird bath to over flowing. He knew that the one thing Morton hated above all was having to take a bath. When the bird bath was full to the brim, he grabbed Morton by the tail and gave that naughty squirrel a good scrubbing.

There is nothing more humiliating to a squirrel than to have a bath. So Thor scrubbed him extra good and rinsed him out with the hose before hanging Morton by his ears on the clothes line to dry out. Morton was spitting mad at being bested by Thor.  Morton shook his fist at Thor and shouted, “I’ll give you the bath next time!”

After Morton was dry, his squirrel mom. Ol’ Betts came and got him off the clothesline to take him home. She nicely thanked Thor for cleaning her son’s fur up and clearly indicated that she would be cleaning up his language when she got him home. She apologized for all of the mayhem that Morton had caused and scooted away carrying her young son over her shoulder.

Thor turned the hose off and was just heading inside the house when his dad got home from work. His dad asked Thor what he’d been doing all day. Thor’s answer is always the same, “Nothin, much, Dad.” Although his dad did wonder about the mystery of the tired chickens and the wet cats.