Thor Stories: Thor Saves Christmas

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Thor Saves Christmas

Thor woke up and stretched. What a great day! It had just snowed, it was the day before Christmas and he’d been extra good this year. Thor had protected his mom, dad, dog, chickens, rhubarb and garden from backyard trolls, Morton the squirrel, leprechauns, rogue pirate roosters and dinosaurs.  And, he had saved Grandpa Walter from a Bigfoot. He knew for certain that Santa was coming and he was going to get lots and lots of presents.

Today was the day that Thor and his mom were going meet his dad for lunch, then go to see Santa and tell him what he wanted for Christmas.

His dad was hungry as a bear and ready for lunch when Soren and his mom arrived. To get to their lunch destination, they had to walk through the mall. That was when Thor saw him, a very sad looking old fellow with white whiskers and a green and blue plaid golf hat sitting on a bench outside of a toy store.

Thor knew better than to talk to strangers, but his dad and mom were always kind to others and walked up to the old fellow to ask if everything was alright. “No, everything is not all right!” You see, I am Santa Claus and it is the night before Christmas when I have so much to do to keep children all over the world from being disappointed tomorrow morning, and Mrs. Claus just texted me that all of our elves are sick!”

He went on to explain. “Year after year the elves and I are always sipping hot chocolate, eating cookies and making toys for all good little girls and boys, until this year. Yes, disaster has struck! My elves all have the flu. I told them to get their flu shots, but they were too busying playing with cute baby reindeer and video games to do it. Now, I don’t have enough help to finish making the toys!”

“Have you EVER seen dozens of elves with the flu?  First, their skin changes from green to red as their temperatures rise.  Next, they no longer smell minty fresh, but like a skunk’s butt. Then, it gets worse when their noses start running and the coughing commences.

Have you ever tried to teach and elf to use a tissue to blow their nose? It can’t be done! They always wipe their runny noses in their shirt fronts and sleeves. When their own shirt is glistening and damp with nose slime, they’ll just start wiping their noses on whoever is next to them. Soon they are all stuck to each other with blue snot. I have nothing but a blue snotty tangle of red coughing elves!”

“Oh, and let me tell you about elves coughing, have you ever heard an elf cough? It’s not like a human cough, it is a high pitched squeal like stepping on a pig’s tail! The noise is worse than the stink and snot”

“Christmas is ruined!” wailed Santa. Then, he covered his face with his hands, bent his head and began to sob.

Thor took this all in, then asked the old fellow, “How did you get here? The old fellow looked up at Thor with tear-filled eyes and explained, “My two favorite reindeer, Rudolph and Cupid, are on the roof of this place hitched to a toboggan with an extra jet engine on the back of the sled for power and speed in case of a storm. Unfortunately, I ran out of gas for the jet engine on the way here. It will be a slow ride home.  Nothing is going right for me this Christmas season.”

At that moment, Thor knew that the old guy really was  Santa and Christmas morning present delivery was truly in jeopardy.

Thor knew what to do and that quick action would be the key to success. First, he told his mom and dad that he needed to go right home.  Then, he whispered to the old fellow, “Meet me in the jungle, my back yard, in an hour and I will help you save Christmas.”

Thor’s parents dropped him off at home and left to do their last minute shopping. Thor’s Grandpa Walter was visiting and would be in charge of supervising the boy.

If Thor and Santa were going to save Christmas they were going to need lots of little helpers to do the work of the sick elves. As soon as he got home Thor told Grandpa Walter about Santa’s problem. Grandpa Walter quietly nodded and continued to watch television in the reclining chair.

Then, Thor ran for his bedroom and filled his pockets with shiny copper pennies, a harmonica and a couple of warm blankets. Next, he went to the kitchen to grab a jar of peanut butter, a bag of popcorn and some of his mom’s homemade delicious sugar cookies.

Thor quickly cooked six sweet potatoes in the microwave and put the potatoes inside a couple of brown paper bags; found an unused Christmas card; grabbed a pen and a shovel out of the garage; put some catnip in each of his snow boots and raced out of the house into “the jungle” known as Thor’s backyard.  He left Grandpa Walter happily sitting in the reclining chair in front of the television eating  Kipper snacks, oily stinky fish in a can, and crackers.

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It was cold in the jungle and the snow was up to his knees everywhere, but on the path to the chicken coop. He quickly made his way to his chickens to wake them up. He opened the chicken house door and threw in two warm sweet potatoes to fuel those birds up. They loved eating those things. Slammed the door shut so they wouldn’t escape and headed for the picnic table. Next, he opened the jar of peanut butter and placed it on the picnic table and wasted no time in ripping open the popcorn bag and throwing the corn all over the snow.

Then, he took the shovel over to the tree that had the door to the leprechaun kingdom and dug down into the snow until he reached their door. He wrote a note to the Leprechaun King on the Christmas card that said, “There are more pennies where these came from, come quick, Santa is in trouble.” He sent the Christmas card down the hole with two pennies in the envelope. Then, Thor piled the rest of his pennies in front of the leprechaun door and took out his harmonica and played the Irish jig the “Irish Washerwoman” to sound the alarm.

After calling the leprechauns, Thor went over and woke up Rex his faithful dog. Together they sat by the doghouse as, the yard begin to fill with Morton the Squirrel and his friends eating the peanut butter, and dozens of bright red cardinal birds eating the popcorn.

The largest gathering of people dressed as leprechauns was 262 leprechauns who gathered at Canal Theatre, Dublin to celebrate Guinness World Records Day 2011

At that very moment, he heard a great commotion coming from the leprechaun tree. An army of rosy cheeked leprechauns were following their king into the cold snow. They filled their pockets with pennies and began to march towards Thor. The gentle sound of sleigh bells jingling began to fill the air. In a flash Rudolph, Cupid and Santa landed in the jungle.

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Santa stood up in his sleigh and shouted “Ho, Ho, Ho.” All of the birds, squirrels leprechauns and the many cats that were sniffing the catnip on the bottom of Thor’s boots went silent and still. “Thor, you have assembled quite the crowd of helpers! This is just what I needed!  Good show!” shouted Santa.

Then, Santa told the crowd his sad story of how Christmas presents were just not getting made because of the elves being so very sick. “Listen everyone!” shouted Santa, “This is an emergency!  I surely am in need your help. Who’s with me and will help save Christmas?!”

Everyone hands went up, except for Morton the Squirrel, Thor’s arch enemy. As everyone looked at him in disgust, Morton whined, “Why should I help? I never get any Christmas presents!” Then, Morton spit on the head of a cat.

“Morton, my good friend,” said Santa, “It’s behavior like your spitting on others that keeps you on the naughty list.”

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“What a lie, you little fibber !” Morton’s mother chimed in, “You always get Christmas presents!” She grabbed him by the ears and said, “Mister, you tell Santa the truth and thank him for remembering you on Christmas in spite of your heathenish ways!  You will help and you’ll to a good job of it or you really will get nothing but coal in your stocking! Now, get into Santa’s toboggan and let’s get going!”

Thor and Rex helped all the cardinals, cats, and squirrels get into the toboggan first.  They tucked the leprechauns down into all of that warm cat and squirrel fur, and bird feathers.

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Next, Thor let out his sweet potato fueled up chickens.  Thor knew a very great secret about chickens that has been kept from the public for generations. Chickens have been employed by toy companies in Europe, Japan, China and the United States for centuries. Chickens have the soul and talent of great artists and are highly recruited by industry to use their beaks to precisely paint the black pupil into the eyes of dolls…especially Barbie Dolls. It is sad to report that the Russians have been unsuccessful in adapting chicken technology to toy making.

Once everyone was loaded into the toboggan,  Thor took out the last four hot sweet potatoes and slid them in between everyone to keep them all warm. He covered the leprechauns, cats, cardinals and squirrels with the blankets, then jumped with Rex into the seat next to Santa.

Just as they were about to leave, Grandpa Walter came running out of the house carrying a brown sack and jumped into the very back of the toboggan and away they went.

The night was clear and the stars beautiful. Thor really enjoyed looking down on the earth, seeing the mountains of Canada and ice covering the Arctic Ocean on the way to the North Pole. As they flew, he shared his mom’s delicious cookies with Santa and Rex.

It was slow going with only two reindeer pulling the full toboggan north. Santa and Thor began to be concerned whether or not they’d make it in time.

As they flew Grandpa Walter sat in the back of the sled, eating Kipper snacks out of the brown paper sack. It was a good thing they were flying into the wind so that they all weren’t overcome by the odor of that stinky fish. Just as they flew over the northern border of Canada, with a loud shout and laugh Grandpa Walter blasted out a huge fart. The small flame in the pilot light on the empty jet engine ignited grandpa’s gas and bang, in a flash they were at the North Pole.  Santa knew at that moment that Grandpa Walter would need an early Christmas present of new pants.

Santa’s workshop really was a magical place…well except for the stinking clump of sick squealing red elves stuck together with blue snot in the infirmary where Mother Claus was taking of them.

Upon arrival, Mother Claus greeted everyone and took the Kipper snacks away from grandpa.  She then led him away to find new pants and something to settle the gas in his stomach down, before is farting blew up Clausville.

Santa got everyone organized in the workshop. The bright red cardinals would fly the nuts and bolts to the workers. As they worked the birds whistled a sweet song and soon the sick elves quit squeal-coughing and fell asleep listening to this beautiful chorus.

The squirrels, cats, chickens, leprechauns, Rex and Thor were assigned to put toys together. Soon, the toys were speedily coming off the assembly line. Henry Ford, the inventor of the assembly line, would have been proud of the efficiency and excellence of their work.

Time seemed to stand still as they put together, video games, dolls, building block sets and all of the other toys asked for by the world’s children.  Soon, however, their fast work overheated the pulley system. Everything had to stop until it was lubricated. With whole operation ground to a halt, Santa frantically searched for some oil for those wheels.

Morton’s mom knew two things: they did not have time for this and there is nothing slipperier than squirrel spit. She told Morton to get up there, start and keep spitting on those pulleys! Morton was aces at spitting! It didn’t take long before he had those pulleys slipping right along.  With his help, the toys at Santa’s work shop were finished, wrapped and ready for delivery.

“Thank you, everyone! You have saved Christmas! Now, I better get you back home, but first have some of Mother’s cookies and a cup of hot chocolate….it’s her own secret recipe and it’s the best!”

After they all had a snack, Thor helped Santa round everyone up and get them into his sleigh. It was so exciting to be in Santa’s actual sleigh!  As it was very late by the time they left the North Pole and after all the hard work and hot chocolate, everyone grew sleepy, including Thor, Rex and grandpa. Soon, they were all fast asleep, except for Santa.

The sleigh landed ever so gently into the jungle. Santa helped all of the sleepy heads off the sled and escorted them back to their homes until only Thor, Rex and grandpa were left in the sled.

When Thor and grandpa woke up they were both in the living room of Thor’s house with the television still on. They both ran to the jungle to see the tracks that Santa’s toboggan and reindeer had surely left, but there were none. It was snowing and all of the new snow was so smooth. It was as if Santa had never been there and it had all been a crazy dream. Grandpa figured it probably was a crazy dream from all of the Kipper snacks he had eaten.

Soon, Thor’s parents got home from shopping and it was time for everyone to go to bed. Thor left Santa some cookies and a can of cola and headed for his bedroom excited about Christmas morning.

Christmas morning did not disappoint! Santa had brought lots and lots of toys. Although, Thor’s dad did wonder why on the tray where the cookies for Santa had been there was now an empty jar of peanut butter, four cold microwaved sweet potatoes, a sack of half-eaten kipper snacks, a red cardinal feather and a pair of men’s pants with the butt ripped out.

Grandpa Walter just said, “I’ll be darned, it’s my pants!”

Before they got dressed to go to church and celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ the true reason for Christmas, they all opened their presents as the cats sniffed Thor’s socks.

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If you liked this adventure of Thor, check out his other stories.

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