I have finally reached a point where I have all my medical tests completed. My stem cell transplant was very successful and my bone marrow biopsy showed no cancer at all in my bone marrow. The endoscopy of the cysts on my pancreas showed nothing worrisome. Now, you would think I can relax and enjoy this time of healing, but my brain has decided that this is a good time to have high levels of anxiety.
I have always felt that my ability to worry is a personal character flaw as I wish I could be one of those people who never get scared. I don’t like feeling afraid, I don’t want to spend what precious time I have left on this earth worrying about what the cancer is going to do to me next. It’s almost as if I just want someone to definitely say…everything will be alright, but doctors don’t do that.
I bet I’m not the only cancer patient, who wakes up at 3 a.m. and can’t fall back to sleep. Or the only one who worries about what the future holds. I bet I have a lot of brothers and sisters in the cancer family that have experienced exactly what I am experiencing. And I bet they learned with the help of God to live their life with joy and courage just like I am going to do.