It all began with a splat against his bedroom window pane. The splat was Morton the Squirrel, Thor’s arch enemy. The squirrel was stuck to the window with gooey orange slime. Orange-slimed squirrels in the backyard known as “the jungle” could only mean one thing a garden troll was loose and oozing.
Thor quickly ran to the window to take stock of the situation. What greeted his eyes was the face of Ned the one-horned troll drooling and dripping with orange spittle. This troll had eyes as black as midnight, a long nose and chin with hair growing out of his ears. His ears deserve a special mention due to the fact that the big hairy things hung so low that they rested on his shoulders. The troll used to have two curly horns, but one was broken right off and so now he only had a lefty.
Normally, the leprechauns took care of Ned. They would dance and sing for him and feed him all of his favorite foods so that he would be happy and stay out of trouble. Something had obviously gone terribly wrong, because here he was goopy, cranky and hungry. He had already slimed not only Morton, but Rex the dog had taken a hit too and was spittle-stuck to the fence. Worse still orange slime completely coated the entire chicken house.
As Thor watched from the window he saw Ned the Troll farting into the chicken house windows to make big orange slime bubbles to blast the chickens out. Each time he farted a chicken would be sucked out of the window into a slime bubble then ejected back into the hen house when the bubble burst. It was like a slow motion chicken bubble fart ballet in orange slime. Fascinating, but dangerous for chickens, because hungry trolls stole chickens to eat them!
Thor quickly grabbed his protective eye gear to protect his eyes from troll goop. Next he put a clothespin on his nose to defend against being overcome by the foul stench of orange slime bubble fart explosions. As he pulled his rubber boots onto his feet he grabbed his backpack, balloons, ninja sword, shampoo, 3 bananas, two shiny new pennies, a sheet of paper, pencil, an envelope and tape.
While the troll was totally absorbed in trying to catch the chickens. Thor opened the great wall to enter his jungle which was entirely coated in gooey, oozing nasty smelling troll juices. He quickly made his way to the garden hose. Losing no time, he filled his balloons with water to make water bombs. Thor gently placed the water balloons into his backpack.
Next, Thor turned up the water pressure in the hose as high as it would go and gave Morton the Squirrel a blast. After Morton was rinsed off of the window, Thor turned the hose on Rex and started to de-slime that dog right off of the fence. Just as he finished, Ned the Troll slowly turned and spotted him.
The troll spun around with a hop and grunt. When the big fellow landed the ground shook just like after a loud clap of thunder. Drool dripped off of Ned’s wide gaping unbrushed or flossed yellow toothy grin as he shrieked with evil glee and held up two of Thor’s favorite chickens. He then quickly raced towards the door to the leprechaun kingdom with the chickens screaming for help!
Thor threw water balloon after balloon at the running troll to try and knock the chickens free before the troll reached the safety of the leprechaun door. His efforts were to no avail as the troll shouted the magical shrinking chant of “oomer uber ommer gau” and disappeared chickens and all down deep into the underground world of the leprechauns.
As Thor ran towards the leprechaun door an orange slimed letter popped out and flew right into his hands. Thor opened the envelope and read, “I am holding your chickens for random. You must pay the troll toll. Bring me one wheel barrow full of warm slippery slimy greasy orange pumpkin guts and make sure you pick out all of the seeds! If you do not pay the troll toll or I find a seed in the pumpkin guts you will never see your chickens alive again. Signed Ned the Troll.”
Thor knew he must save his pet chickens at all costs for he loved them. He had learned in Sunday School that love is stronger than hate, and that goodness and kindness are more powerful than meanness. Knowing that helping to save a friend is the highest form of love, Thor knew no fear of his large foe Ned the troll. The power of his love for his pet chickens had blinded him to the dangers to himself and filled his heart with bravery and purpose.
Confident of ultimate success in saving his beloved pets, Thor began to think of a troll defeating chicken rescue plan. As he thought of various Troll fighting scenarios, Thor walked over to where Morton the squirrel sat still covered with goo, picked him up and took him over to the bird bath, took out the shampoo and scrubbed him until he was clean. Thor removed the clothespin from his nose that he had been using to protect himself from the troll fart stink and pinned Morton to the clothesline to dry. Then, he grabbed Rex and used the shampoo to get him cleaned up too.
When Morton’s mom saw him on the clothesline, she came down to get him. Thor explained his troubles to her and asked if her family could help get the seeds out of the pumpkin guts for him. If she helped Thor would let her keep all of the seeds. Morton’s mom was thrilled to help as pumpkins seeds are like dessert to a squirrels. She quickly called all of her children and their cousins to help with the pumpkin seed harvest. Soon a great army of squirrels entered the jungle.
With his team of squirrels and Rex the dog, Thor moved to the garden with his ninja sword and started whacking the tops off of the pumpkins. As the pumpkins’ lids burst open, Rex the dog would dig out the slimy orange pumpkin guts with the same gusto he used to dig holes in the yard to bury his bones. The pumpkin guts flew right between his hind legs into the wheel barrow. When the guts landed into the wheel barrow the army of squirrels quickly searched out every seed. Soon they had the troll toll ready.
Once the wheelbarrow was full, Thor pushed it over and parked it about ten feet away from the leprechaun door. Next, he ate several bananas for a healthy snack to provide the energy he needed for the upcoming battle. When his snack was finished he spread the banana peelings around the bottom of the wheelbarrow and covered them with shampoo. Next he covered himself and the other chickens with shampoo so that they would be too slippery for Ned to grab.
Then, Thor got out his paper, pencil and envelope and wrote the troll a message that read, “Your troll toll is ready. Bring chickens. Signed, Thor.” Then he taped down the two shiny pennies to the envelope as that was what leprechauns charge for postage.
Down the tiny blue door in the hollow tree the message went and up came a huge slime bubble elevator with the troll inside. When the bubble popped the troll loomed large in front of Thor holding a chicken under each arm. “Give me my pumpkin guts,” he bellowed. Thor hollered back, “Not until you let go of my chickens!”
Either trolls are hard of hearing or they have no interest in listening in the first place, because that troll held on to those chickens and pushed his way to wheelbarrow.
Being pushy to get your own way is always trollish behavior and rarely ends well for the pusher. Ned thought he could have everything he wanted, the pumpkin guts and tasty, tasty chicken. In his rush to feed his greed and steal the pumpkin guts and the chickens, the large clumsy troll didn’t watch where he was stepping. When his slimy foot hit the slippery banana peel covered in even slipperier shampoo the troll’s feet went flying into the air.
Ned let go of the chickens as he landed on his butt with a loud thud in a wheelbarrow full of pumpkin guts–exploding them all over the jungle. There were guts in the trees, coating the rhubarb leaves, hanging from raspberry bushes and all over Thor.
The once mighty troll was a pitiful sight as he sat in that empty wheelbarrow flailing his hands, kicking his feet, crying and howling, because he now had nothing. During the troll’s terrible tearful tantrum the leprechaun king came up into the jungle to check out what had caused such a great ruckus that it shook his entire underground kingdom like an earthquake.
“Ned!?” the king shouted, “What are you doing up here causing trouble? I know you just love being a big scary troll, but I have warned you time and time again about your thoughtless bullying ways. You should have listened to me and tried being kind and generous to others. For now you will have to pay the ultimate “troll toll”. I hereby on this day decree that you, Ned the Troll, for not controlling your behavior, thinking only of yourself and scaring everyone including defenseless hens–will forfeit what you prize the most. Ned, I sentence you to never being a troll again.”
The king then pulled the magical rooster king pirate feather out of his hat and waved it in front of the troll. “Make, Ned, into a fainting goat.” In a flash, Ned became a a one-horned, long-eared, timid fainting goat
The King looked at Thor and said, “Enjoy your new pet and thanks for the pennies.” Then, he vanished through the leprechaun door.
A good person always keeps his word and Thor kept his promise to Morton’s mother. He let the squirrels finish collecting all the pumpkin seeds. While they were busy searching for seeds,Thor began cleaning up the awful mess the Troll’s large butt had made when it landed in all of those squishy pumpkin guts and from his orange slimy drool dripping off of the great wall, house and chicken coop.
Thor got the hose out and cleaned the orange troll slime, shampoo and remaining pumpkin guts off of the fence, house, chicken coop, chickens and himself. The squirrels showed their gratitude for all of the delicious pumpkin seeds by helping pick pumpkin guts out of the trees and other places Thor could not reach. Once all of the pumpkin guts had been collected and loaded into his red wagon, they were pulled behind the lawnmower shed and dumped into the compost pile.
It was about that time that Thor’s dad got home from work. He asked Thor what he’d been doing all day and Thor replied, “Nothing much.”
Thor’s dad was glad that to see that the pumpkins had all been opened and cleaned out, and the chicken coop, fence and west side of their house had all been washed. But, he did wonder why Thor, the dog and chickens were all soaking wet; there were some pumpkin guts hanging from the top of the apple tree; squirrels were everywhere; a goat that only had one horn on the left side of his head was passed out on the lawn; and several empty bottles of the orange-flavored fiber mix used by Grandpa Walter along with a large empty shampoo bottle were tipped over on the picnic table.
He went to get a rope to tie up the goat, got the red wagon to load the pumpkins in to take them into the house to carve for Halloween and to Thor’s mom so she could make her delicious pumpkin bars. Then, he told Thor, “Well, we had better feed Grandpa Walter some extra greens for supper tonight and I have always wanted a pet goat.”
Recipe for Metamucil Orange Slime-Flubber
This recipe makes the non-sticky sort of ‘rubber’ or gelatinous slime that is known as flubber.
Time Required: 15 minutes
Flubber Slime Ingredients
- 1 tsp Metamucil or similar soluble fiber
- 8 oz water
- microwave-safe bowl
- microwave oven
- food coloring (optional)
How To Make Metamucil Flubber
- Mix 1 teaspoon of Metamucil with 1 cup (8 ounces) of water in a microwaveable bowl. You can add a drop or two of food coloring if you wish. Alternatively, you could add a little powdered drink mix or flavored gelatin to get color/flavor.
- Place bowl in the microwave and nuke on high for 4-5 minutes (actual time depends on microwave power) or until the goo is about to bubble out of the bowl. Turn off the microwave.
- Let the mixture cool slightly, then repeat step 3 (microwave until about to overflow). The more times this step is repeated the more rubbery the substance will become.
- After 5-6 microwave runs, (carefully – hot hot HOT) pour the flubber onto a plate or cookie sheet. A spoon can be used to spread it out.Allow to cool. There you have it! Non-stick flubber. A knife or cookie cutters may be used to cut the flubber into interesting shapes.Flubber can be stored at room temperature in a sealed baggie for several months. It will last indefinitely in a sealed bag in the refrigerator.
- If the flubber is sticky then the amount of water needs to be reduced. It should be clammy, but not sticky. Use less water next time.
- Please use adult supervision. Molten fluids and microwaves are involved!